Written by a Cafe 1040 Student
God has been using this time to help me to grow to be more like him, however this process has been painful. Through it all, God is good to be patient; gently pulling at the areas of my heart I am holding back from him. These past few days, I have been struggling with what it will cost to do work long-term. Homesickness has started to hit me and I have been starting to feel what obeying Jesus with long- term work will feel like. Yesterday I found myself feeling angry at God because it felt like he was taking away every good thing I have...especially my relationship with my family and comforts of living in the U.S.. I realized that what God was asking me to do was be willing to give up these desires for Him but it just felt like He was leaving me with empty hands instead of filling them up with something better. I spent some time after this lifting that He would show me how He is filling them back up with something better than what I am giving up. I had no idea how soon He would answer this request.
This morning I was with four other teammates doing a survey of a neighborhood in basetown. The purpose of this activity was to find out what kind of people lived in the area, what they believed, did for work, where they lived and shopped etc. It was extremely hot, was going very slowly and I was feeling discouraged again feeling the loss of home.
We stopped at a coffee shop to enjoy some much needed AC and water. Wanting to discover more about the area, I began walking up to a few couples that sat in the cafe to see if they were willing to answer some questions about the area. The second couple I spoke with told me pretty similar information, that the area was mostly residential and what the main religion was. When I asked if they belonged to this religion as well they said, “No, we are actually Christians.” At this I was ecstatic. Nearly a month in, these were the first locals I had met that were Christians.
A* told me that his family heard of Jesus by a French worker who came to South Asia a hundred years ago. A pursued this relationship with Jesus for himself and later shared it with D*, his girlfriend who accepted Jesus. God encouraged me, through hearing this, that he is inviting me to be used by him in furthering his kingdom in ways that I may never know, just as he is still using the work the French worker began 100 years ago.
Learning more about D and A, I was inspired by their faith and trust in Jesus despite all of the persecution they face. D’s family is pretty much against her decision to follow Jesus and she lost many of her former friends. Her parents are also against D and A’s desire to get married. I asked her if before she decided to be a Christian, she thought about what it would cost her. She said she did but without hesitation she answered that Jesus is her provider and that any suffering she has faced was worth it. Her relationship with Jesus is worth it. Hearing this I was humbled, realizing how much I am whining over what Jesus has asked me to be willing to give up for him. D has given up so much for Jesus but knows in her heart, without hesitation that it was all worth it because of Jesus. God offers this providence to me as well and I can trust that whatever he has in store is worth it. My heart breaks knowing there are more like A and D out there that do not know the deep relationship with Jesus that they have found. Despite what feels like overwhelming darkness, there is a spiritual hunger here for Jesus. God is feeding the millions of people here in basetown and I am so blessed to be invited into it.
God is the author of my story...if only it were easy becoming a blank page.
